Parenting a bullied child is one of the most challenging things I've ever done. At first, I thought it was simply about getting the bullying to stop. But I realized pretty quickly that it was more complicated than that.

When we were kids, my husband and I remember our friends or ourselves being picked on but, unlike the stories we hear about today, we don't recall one child setting another on fire, pushing someone to the point of suicide or planning violent revenge.

Perhaps, we are just more aware, but either way, when we realized my son was being bullied, we took it seriously. And, clearly, we were not alone. Bullying behavior as young as elementary school appeared to be an epidemic.

One day, at pick up, I got a look at these "big, bad bullies." Staring back at me were several doe-eyed little kids, who clearly didn't know any better. They were openly dehumanizing other students at random—for fun. It was unacceptable. It seemed they hadn't been taught why it was wrong and, chances are, that wouldn't change.

But it's not my place to tell other people how to raise their children. It's the job of their parents in cooperation with the school to help those kids make better choices. And there is plenty of motivation to do it. According to Psychology Today, 60 percent of kids who choose to bully end up with a criminal record before the age of 24. Hearing that, it's sad to know that some parents might not address the issue.

Kids need to understand that every choice we make creates a part of who we are. We can't always control what happens to us, but how we respond to a bad situation reveals our character, and sculpts our future.

So my family decided to focus on our response.

We respectfully reported every incident, hoping the school would act, because it was important that our son saw adults taking at least some action on his behalf. But, they were limited, and at times, it felt like they couldn't do much.

We began to ask ourselves, "If we don't have the power to change the behavior of these other kids, how do we help our son?"

The bottom line was, the experience had to strengthen him, instead of reinforcing the victim mentality, and pointing him toward revenge or depression. It was all about his confidence and his future.

The day my husband and I realized that was the day things started looking up.

Among other things, we encouraged him to think about what he would like to do when he grew up, not career-wise, but where he might want to live, what he'd do for fun, what kind of people he'd surround himself with, even what pets he might have—the big picture.

We gave him something to look forward to whenever possible. We made a big deal about planning family events and weekends with friends, classmates, cousins or kids from after-school activities. We tried our best to help him find things he was passionate about.

It made him realize that his world was big, and this particular issue was not his whole life. Some things you just have to get through, and you can't give anyone else the power to change how you feel about yourself in a negative way.

Then one day he started talking about college, how he'd travel the world someday, and he began coming home from school with a stronger sense of self, despite anything bad that happened.

He'd stopped letting the bullying have an impact on his happiness or his future. He was still annoyed by their behavior. Who wouldn't be? But he wasn't letting it in, or thinking about revenge. He realized it was a flaw in their character and hoped that someday they'd learn. He'd moved on, and it made those other kids seem powerless to him.

One of the activities from "I've Got Plans: A kids activity book for a fun-filled future" is called "My Most Incredible Dream Life," where children draw or paste a picture of themselves in the center of the page, and depict a day in the best life they can imagine.  

It's only a small step—a seed planted—to help kids think past today's troubles, and imagine what their life can and will be if they choose it. But hope is an important seed to plant.

Next week I will be sharing what I have learned about the limitations of educators when it comes to intervention, and why we need to work together.

If you have any questions, please feel free to share them.