Not long ago, I found myself curious about the sorts of dogs that existed in prehistoric times (right around the time Joan Collins started appearing on TV), and I took myself over to the Scarsdale Library to do some research.  I don't know if my new glasses made me look intellectual, but I was treated with great respect there...meaning, the librarian didn't automatically point me toward "The Big Book of Disney Princesses." Instead, I found a great read relating to dog evolution and discovered some incredible things.  And for those of you who don't believe in evolution, I discovered this: The …

When I look back over the last year, I realize that my dog accomplished some pretty impressive things, even though some of his claims were totally bogus. Yes, Happy, I know you were missing for two days. But I don't believe it was because you were helping to capture Bin Laden. Regardless, here are some of the remarkable things my golden retriever actually did pull off in 2011:  Back in February, my dog began to sing out of the blue. This would have been pretty cool if it weren't for the fact he only knew one song. And, believe me, "Hollaback Girl" really starts to lose its charm after a while…

Ever since he was little, my golden retriever Happy has never seemed to like girl dogs as much as human beings. Hap will inevitably approach someone walking their female pooch, nod hello to the dog and then jump up on, kiss and endear himself to their owner. It's deeply disturbing the way he fawns on people. It's like being the owner of a canine Eddie Haskell. Clearly, getting Happy neutered three years ago had something to do with his rather unsettling priorities. Ever since that surgery, Happy's been sexually confused. He hasn't walked with as much manly confidence and strut, nor is he …

I know there are a lot of you out there who have trouble understanding your dog, especially when it comes to the behavior he displays and the gestures he makes. That use to be the case with Happy, my golden retriever, and me. For instance, when he use to raise one paw with first and fourth nails raised higher than the rest, I would take him outside — quickly. Now, I know it means he wants me to put on some Metallica.  Hap has a bunch of things like that — the head-cock, the bark, standing-up, etc. — that took me years to interpret correctly. Even figuring out what he's doing when he splays …