What I've Got Against Unpaid Internships

I’ve been out of a job since, well, forever.

(Technically, I can’t even collect unemployment… since I never had a job to begin with). I graduated from college in May 2010. Then I worked some part-time gigs, biding my time until My Prestigious Internship (unpaid) began in Europe the following Fall. 

The internship went smoothly; I worked hard, had fun. Went to Germany on the weekends, met boys who I thought were clever and cultured (but in retrospect, weren't). When my time abroad wrapped up, I was handed a golden ticket: A glowing letter of recommendation that brought tears to my eyes after ten weeks of holding it together enough to make sure no envelope went unsealed. 

Yes, I thought. Now that I’ve completed My Prestigious Internship, I can do anything!

I came home for Christmas and piled my luggage in my bedroom in my parent’s house. I was hesitant to unpack them. After such a Prestigious Internship, I’d be hired right away and what a hassle it’d be to repack all my things.

Seven months later, and I’ve finally unpacked. In fact, I didn’t just unpack all those sweaters and winter weather gear, I by now have repacked them and put them into summer storage.

Sometimes I forward my mom articles on America’s shockingly high youth unemployment rate, as if I’m subtly trying to say: “I’m really NOT a failure!” But she just gets mad and tells me that I’m an exception, and I can’t blame things on statistics. That’s right, Mom. Millions of us are unemployed, but I am the special exception. 

I look down sometimes and realize I’m wearing the same pajamas, non-stop, for three days straight. And I think I’ve gained something like 12 pounds since I came home for Christmas. But that’s a whole other article entirely. 

I can’t find a job. A lot of people can’t. And I’m not really surprised — recent grad, no experience… except for pretty damn good grades, college scholarship and that One Prestigious Internship. 

But you know what I can find? Lots, and lots, of unpaid internships. They’re offered to me so often, you might as well think I’ve hit the unpaid internship lottery. 

My Capitalist father has a theory for this: I said it was a mistake then, and I’ll say it’s a mistake now. You took one unpaid internship and now you’re only getting offered unpaid internships. Forget unpaid internships. You should be waitressing! That’s about as deep as his theory goes. 

I see it from both sides. I loved my unpaid internship. It was in Europe, it was a challenge, it taught me a lot. As a fresh grad, it was just what I needed. But as a 23-year-old woman, with a degree? I don’t care if you want me to make your copies and coffee—I'll do it, but not for free. 

The premise of an internship is it teaches you something. It’s an apprenticeship, the chance for you to try something out before you commit to it. Everyone knows it’s a burden to explain something to a hung-over 20-year-old in an ill-fitting suit all day long. That’s why you’re unpaid, but you also get to leave early. And you're still in school. That’s fine, I get that. 

The internships that I’m being offered — and the ones my friends hold — push 12 hours a day more often than not. They require a skill set on par with upper levels of staff. (They also require Mom and Dad footing the bills as your 24th birthday fast approaches, but that’s a different matter — not to mention the luck you’re out of if your parents can’t afford to pay your salary as you work for someone else). 

That’s not fair. 

Just because the economy sucks doesn’t mean employers can skew “internship” into “free labor.” And let’s admit it: that’s what it really is. 

Still, I admit I feel torn: Do I need an internship to prove myself? To pay my dues? To get experience? 

On second thought, no. I just need an entry-level-job.

So, hats off, Mom and Dad. For holding on to your wallets tightly and telling me to pursue a paid internship in the arts of waiting tables. And shame on you, employers, for extending an opportunity to me with the perks of picking cotton in 1845 as though it is The Foot in the Door I’ve been waiting for. 

I’ll learn more paying my own rent than anything else, anyway. And I look forward to that challenge.