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Health & Fitness

A Parent's Guide to Self-Injury- Part 5

Below is part of an article I wrote about teens who engage in self-injurious behavior (i.e. cutting.) Since the article is long, I am breaking it down into shorter sections for the sake of this blog. I will post parts every day. I'd love to hear your thoughts and questions! 

What can Parents Do to Help? (continued)

Although teens may seem to crave independence, and they do in many ways, they also know they need boundaries in order to feel safe and loved. Show your child you love them by enforcing house and family rules and make sure they know what you expect from them. Of course they will try to test these limits but that is all normal and should be expected.

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A good line I heard someone say to their daughter every time they walked out of the house was, “Make smart choices.” If you raise your children with a good moral system that usually stays with them.

Look for opportunities to catch your child doing something right and acknowledge it more than focusing so much on the negatives. Of course, negative behaviors need to be addressed. Though it may be a challenge, be concise about the issue and restate your expectations. Make sure there is some type of consequence for the negative behavior.

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You are usually your child’s first role model so show them through your own actions how to be a respectable and respectful person – be someone that your child can admire and look up to.

Try to put your child’s needs before your own so they grow up to do the same for their children. Spend time with your children without your cell phone or laptop. I have seen many families, parents included, sitting in a restaurant, each person on their phones or other electronic devices, totally ignoring each other.

“Emotion Regulation”

As mentioned earlier, teens who cut typically have difficulty regulating their emotions. Try to help them to focus on changing their reaction to feelings.

Helping them to focus on changing their reaction to feelings is a way to your teen to grow and develop.

With support, they can learn to change their reaction to the emotion as well as how intensely and how long they feel it. Help them to understand the importance of accepting and acknowledging one’s own feelings. To do this you have to be willing to have the feeling and then work at modulating it. If you can not or do not accept the feeling you have, it will lead to either ineffective ways of dealing with the feeling or sitting in the feeling and making it grow, usually in a negative way.


Important Notice: The information presented below is provided for educational purposes only and is not a substitute for consulting a psychologist or other mental health professional  to discuss your unique situation. If you would like to talk with me about it, you may call my office at 914-329-5355.


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